


The Cat Came Back

by corpsefluid



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: AU, Animal Death, Domestic, Eventual Smut, Kemonomimi, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pet au, Rating May Change, Slow Burn, humanoid pets, sentient beings treated as animals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-11 23:32:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5645827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corpsefluid/pseuds/corpsefluid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Kaz are ex-military and current roommates in what would be a fairly normal domestic AU if it wasn't for kemonomimi. Which while sentient and for the most part appearing human, are generally treated as and have the same legal standing as animals.</p><p>Unfortunately for Kaz, John has a bad habit of adopting strays, and he just brought home something as bit bigger than a puppy or kitten.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trashy AU incoming, will probably discuss some issues of the nature of the AU society but don't expect it to be thorough or remotely close to all of it. 
> 
> If there's something you want addressed, remember I didn't invent this sort of AU, so I'm not going to do anything to stop you from wholesale grabbing the AU and handling it yourself. Or even grabbing the set up here and taking it your own preferred direction.
> 
> I'm just doing this because I wanted the thing and had a few scenes I wanted to write. Expect eventual bosselot on ocelhira, unbeta'd because I'm tired and lazy so mistakes will be fixed as I spot them.

“Boss, what the fuck is that on the couch?” Kaz had a pretty good guess, but he wanted John to acknowledge the cat-eared creature lolling about in their apartment before going off at him. Just in case it was him going crazy because Kaz had made it pretty damn clear this apartment wasn't going to tolerate John's stray adoption habit like the old place did.

“Hmm, he's a cat, why?”

“That's not what I meant, and one that's not a cat, two, what is it doing on our couch?”

“Did you miss the ears? Of course he's a cat. Anyway, he was hungry so I gave him some food- it's not like we have anything worth stealing so why not let him sleep here instead of on the street.”

Well in a sense it was a cat, but the size disparity should have been a clue this wasn't like bringing home a stray kitten in a box.

Getting that across to someone like John however, was a lost cause. Anyone who'd seen how the man raised dogs could tell little things like risk awareness and size differences almost never factored into the man's thought process. Which was a problem seeing as it usually ended up with some hundred-pound mutt that could probably eat a small child being treated like a harmless chihuahua and acting accordingly. Cute when it tried to cuddle, not so cute when it knocked someone down the stairs just trying to say hello.

Of course the man wouldn't see the difference between bringing home a cat and bringing home something with cat ears that was widely considered an exotic pet.

Thinking about it, there wasn't really any good response that'd talk him out of it, still Kaz felt some obligation to at least attempt to point out the logistical issues. Eviction and legality asside.

“Where are you even going to put it?”

“Well we've got a couch and _he_ seems to be using it just fine,” John said it like it was obvious, ignoring all the other problems at hand. “He only needs a place to sleep, it's not like I brought home a dog. He'll be fine, we can talk about this more in the morning.”

“ffff, just- ugh, you're impossible. We'll talk about this tomorrow.” Frustration aside, Kaz could appreciate that the man had a long day coming up and needed the sleep. Paying rent came before fighting John on his shitty habits.

And once John left for bed, Kaz could have some time to think about how to make the man appreciate that their shithole apartment was tiny enough with two people, never mind trying to fit a third.

Kaz didn't quite feel like shutting himself up in his room yet, and though the interloper was still occupying the shared couch, with the conversation tabled and Boss vouching for the guy, Kaz supposed he could handle sharing for a bit.

Kaz had never actually seen a kemonomimi in person before, sure there were plenty of photos and advertising, but that was a whole lot different to being in the presence of one. It was like meeting a horse, you knew they existed, probably saw pictures occasionally but unless you lived in the right kind of place or took a trip, you likely never actually saw one in person, let alone ended up meeting one.

It wasn't until he was closer that Kaz realised the animal-man was absolutely tiny. Probably not even five feet tall standing on his tip toes, and yet, despite that he was doing an effective job of taking up a whole couch even though it'd worked as a bed for Kaz himself more than a few times in the past.

“Shuffle over,” Kaz instructed, grabbing two furry feet and a tail in one hand to nudge the sleeping body down a bit further on the couch.

The man's eyes snapped open, only a fraction of a second before his face contorted into a snarl and with a hiss, Kaz found himself with three bloody claw marks across his forearm.

While Kaz managed to avoid any truly emasculating sounds, he did need to bite his tongue not to shout. Without thinking, Kaz took a swing in retaliation.

This was, in hindsight, a terrible idea. With his arm right back in range of the man's claws, it just got grabbed with all four sharp clawed limbs. Finger claws dug right into his fist, foot paws kicking out at his forearm.

This time Kaz yelled, the sound was met with an equally cranky cat-like yowl that quite frankly anything that looked that human should not have been able to make.

With his free hand, Kaz got a grip on the man's shirt, trying to yank him off without getting more claws, or even teeth in him. Something that was protested to loudly and earned him another swipe.

That was when John intervened.

Having dragged himself out of bed in only his boxers to pull the two apart. John made it look easy, unhooking the extended claws from Kaz's flesh, lifting the far smaller man up, away from Kaz and putting him down without receiving a single scratch himself.

The small man simply flopped back down on the couch, ears flat and tail flicking as he started licking his bloody finger tips. Looking a little less human with claws extended and pupils blown so wide his eyes looked black. He was making some sort of growling noise in his throat, but he wasn't actively seeking blood, for now at least.

Kaz wasn't going to trust him nearly as far as he could probably throw him to not abruptly change that. Though now he didn't have talons lodged in him, Kaz was much more concerned with nursing his bleeding flesh.

“Be nice Kaz, Ocelot doesn't need your shit right now,” John warned like it was entirely Kaz' fault.

“What!?” Kaz found himself at a loss for words, in an attempt to get his point across he gestured at John, then the hell-beast, and finally his own shredded arm before throwing his hands up and storming out. Or possibly just hurrying to get himself to the bathroom to stop the bleeding before he dripped any more blood on the carpet.

 

* * *

 

 

With Kaz gone, John knelt down next to Ocelot's spot on the couch. One-handedly rubbing behind his ears, smiling as pointy ears started to prick back up again.

“He's not always that bad I promise. Kaz just needs to get used to you. He won't hurt you, but I don't know if he's seen one of you before- so only kick his ass a little if he's being an asshole.” John had known Ocelot long enough to know better than to say he was concerned outright. Kaz was very nearly twice Ocelot's size, and Ocelot was on the tall side for a kemonomimi. No matter how fast, strong, or good Ocelot was, there was still a major size and weight advantage that wasn't in his favour.

Kid liked to imagine he was a fucking lion.

“As long as he doesn't try to hit me again,” Ocelot snorted before his voice trailed off into a deep purr, leaning his head into the ear rubbing. “Or grab my feet.” With that mention, Ocelot tucked his furry paws under his body, curling his tail around his legs.

“I think he learned his lesson, I'm going to head back to bed but wake me if he's giving you more trouble, okay?”

“mm,” Ocelot made a vaguely affirmative noise before yawning wide, baring his inhuman teeth. “I think I'll just scratch him again.”

“Well if that doesn't work, you know what to do. Night”

“Night.”

And with that John was able to go back to bed.

 

* * *

 

 

While painful, Kaz' injuries only needed a whole lot of bandages and antiseptic. Going to bed sore and angry, he'd woken in an according bad mood. That said, breakfast went smoothly enough despite the interloper, possibly because 'Ocelot' slept through the whole thing and John was long gone before Kaz woke up.

When Kaz came home however, it was a different story. Having had some time away, he'd had time to cool off and actually think about the whole incident, he was all geared up to apologise and try a new start when he saw the mess.

Feathers were everywhere, trailed from the street side window, to the couch, then finally into his room. There, sitting in the bed was a small pile of feathers, blood, and bones. Sprawled out next to the mess was the cat himself, licking blood from his finger tips for the second time Kaz had seen him doing so.

When Kaz walked into the room, it seemed like both of them froze at the same time.

Ocelot looked up and stared at Kaz, hunching his body down as his unblinking eyes went pitch black and his striped tail whipped back and forth.

Kaz considered for a moment, on the one hand, there was / _his_ / bed, on the other hand, attempting to remove the growling hell beast and dealing with Ocelot's claws again.

With the options in mind, particularly in consideration to the bandages all up one of his arms, Kaz decided Boss could deal with this shit. Both the cat and the mess, in the meantime he could catch up on TV and have a few much needed drinks.

It was a few hours before John would get home anyway, as much as he hated ignoring the problem, he didn't need the stress right now.

 

* * *

 

“Boss, your cat's left a 'present' on my bed,” Kaz informed John as soon as he got in the door.“You brought him home, you can clean it up,” he added. The 'when's he leaving' could wait until after dead bird left overs got cleaned up.

“Kaz, Ocelot isn't a pet, he doesn't belong to anyone, he's a person-”

Kaz cut him off, “I don't care, it's been a long day and I got home to dead birds on my fucking bed. It doesn't matter if he's a person or an animal, you brought him home, his messes are your messes.”

“I'll take care of it, I see why you got mauled last night though. Dunno how you expect to not get attacked if you're going to be a dick like that.”

“Talk after you've gotten rid of it.” Kaz knew he was being an arsehole but honestly at this point it seemed justified in the context of John and Ocelot's bullshit.

John got the message and grabbed some gloves from under the sink before heading into Kaz' room to handle the issue.

There was just a slight problem.

“There's nothing here Kaz,” John poked his head out of the room to elaborate, “if he had a bird here, it's cleaned up.”

Turning to check behind the couch, it seemed there wasn't much left of the feather trail either, despite some stray down caught in the carpet. Kaz was just a little mystified at how something Ocelot's size had managed that without him noticing,

“Fine then, get in here and we'll talk about this bullshit,” Kaz invited John back to the shitty little living room they shared. No matter how impressed he was, the whole sitting John down and making him actually listen to a talk was kind of necessary. Even if it just ended up being Kaz explicitly removing himself from any personal responsibility for the situation.

Almost as soon as John sat down on the couch, Kaz caught a vaguely yellow shape in his field of vision. Though he hadn't seen him standing before, he was starting to develop an instinctive reaction to seeing the silhouette of those pointy ears. Kaz braced himself for another confrontation.

Only for Ocelot to walk right past him.

Instead Ocelot hopped on the couch next to him, or more accurately, half on, half next to John. Long, spotted, inhuman feet sprawled well on to Kaz's side but that was largely unimportant compared to watching this creature that looked for the most part like a small but grown man casually perch himself practically in his room-mate's lap and start rubbing his head up against his chin.

Kaz had thought caught a hint of purring when he'd found Ocelot eating that bird on his bed, he'd dismissed it as his mind playing tricks, but now he could tell Ocelot was _definitely_ purring. A loud, incessant rumbling while even the most remote concept of personal space was completely and utterly ignored.

“Is he always like that with you?” It was hard not to sound incredulous, but Ocelot seemed like a completely different creature now compared to Kaz' previous run ins.

“Huh, why?”

Of course John would be confused.

“So you just let him do that?” Kaz clarified, hoping just maybe what he was getting at would penetrate. It wouldn't, but Kaz could dream.

“Don't be culturally insensitive Kaz, you never seen how cats interact with friends?” John said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, just like how he'd tell someone his bad tempered tank of a bull terrier he used to have was the sweetest and gentlest dog in the world.

“I don't think that's a culture, but fine, I'll take your word for it.” Fighting him on that tone was a huge pain, and Kaz wanted to get to the all important question,“when's he leaving?”

“Well I can't just throw him out on the street... Maybe 'till he finds somewhere safe to stay?”

_Mother. Fucker._

“Does he even have a job?” Kaz said out loud before abruptly realising how stupid that question sounded, how the fuck would an animal get a job, so he clarified, “Whatever, I know I can't actually stop you. You're paying for him and cleaning up after him. Just... keep him out of my way and out of my stuff. If the landlord kicks you out, it's your problem.”

“Really? Great, thanks Kaz.”

If Kaz could strangle John, he would have.

Instead, Kaz settled for removing himself from the situation, “You're in charge of dinner tonight, so wake me when whatever you order gets here.”

John was long since banned from cooking, ever. So his turn for dinner was always take out, letting him pick wasn't the safest choice in the world but Kaz could live with it tonight. He wanted a nap more than he wanted to guarantee whatever John ordered would be fit for human consumption.

The feathers and the bird were all gone, just like John had said. It would have been better not to see something eating a raw animal on his bed, but this wasn't actually the first time and at least Ocelot had cleaned up after himself, unlike certain other people and/or animals. (Kaz never did prove if it was one of the dogs and John had insisted they'd never.)

Flopping down on his bed face first, Kaz let himself go completely limp as the tension started melting out of his muscles.

He had very nearly dropped off when he caught a whiff of a sharp, acidic odour. Surely John would have noticed a smell like this when he was in here... It was pretty strong, even though it took Kaz a few seconds to recognise what it was himself.

“BOSS!”

Kaz was going to kill John and that cat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to do more with this chapter, but it's my birthday and my present to myself is to stop worrying about it. ~~Mostly because I can't afford a nice dildo.~~
> 
> So continue the adventures of Kaz and garbage cat!Ocelot

Despite the rocky start, Kaz could appreciate one thing about Ocelot. Since his arrival, Kaz had been learning a lot of things about John he hadn't known before.

Most notably: _John did not have a sense of smell._

Kaz found himself wishing he didn't either, since John's complete lack of ability to smell meant he couldn't detect when Ocelot had decided to mark something with his 'personal brand.'

Despite some memorable occasions cleaning piss out of a doormat after a party, Kaz couldn't say he'd smelt anything like it. The worst part overall being, not that his stuff seemed to be getting targeted almost exclusively, but that it was up to Kaz to clean it. Ocelot certainly wasn't about to do anything about it else he wouldn't have done it, and John, well John didn't believe Ocelot was doing it in the first place.

John thought his new cat was 'too clean' to be pissing on the floor.

It was more like trying to mop up a chemical spill than get piss out of the carpet.

And since Kaz hadn't seen (or smelled) any shit on the carpet, the kemonomimi clearly either knew how to use a toilet or knew well enough to be doing it elsewhere other than Kaz' room, it was just the piss that was a problem.

It was scent marking according to google, since there was no sign of any full blown puddles. Supposedly something about intact toms and lack of respect, but with the tips he'd picked up he at least had a few things to attempt. There were some he could implement on his own, but he'd need John's help for getting Ocelot to a vet for a more permanent solution, so he'd taken a little shopping trip after work to arm himself.

Coming in the front door, the first thing Kaz spotted was a single large blond paw sticking up over the back of the couch. Even less pleasantly, there was also a loud, repeated slurping noise. Dreading another half-eaten small animal, his morbid curiosity compelled him to actually look instead of going straight to his room and testing the cleaner he'd been recommended.

Nothing involving Ocelot was going to be a good surprise, and since it wasn't often he came home to Ocelot in plain view when he entered the apartment, there was every reason to expect the worst. As soon as Kaz rounded the couch however it became apparent the wet noises were not coming from Ocelot's latest small animal murder, but instead from vigorously licking himself, his cat-eared head buried between his own legs. Kaz couldn't tell what he was licking specifically, but honestly he didn't want to look / _that_ / closely to check, it was unsettling enough seeing a vaguely human body twisting like that in the first place.

Despite the human traits, Ocelot really was a cat.

The moment Ocelot realised Kaz was in the room he paused, looking up from whatever he was licking just enough to flatten his ears and growl at him.

In the interest of not being tagged again with freaky finger-talons, Kaz chose to go to his room. Far easier to unpack the equipment he'd bought without a screaming feral animal getting in his face.

Kaz couldn't help but imagine the cleaning products were one big load of scamming bullshit, but getting a refund on that would be easier than getting a refund on catnip. That said, it was probably better to test the catnip spray when the cat in question wasn't hell bent on killing him, at least so he knew it'd work when he actually needed it.

When Kaz came out, Ocelot fortunately wasn't still licking himself, he however _had not_ put his pants back on, instead stretching himself out and working his clawed fingers into the couch.

Since he seemed happy enough to ignore Kaz when he came out, there probably wasn't a better time to give it a go. Completely prepared to make a quick getaway. Kaz sprayed the catnip into the air twice just above Ocelot's head. Taking a couple of steps back, just in case.

Ocelot certainly detected something immediately, at first just growling at Kaz for being close, then scrunching his nose up, grimacing as he sniffed the air. But then after a minute his expression softened, with a trill Ocelot rolled onto his back and started rubbing his head against the couch. Wriggling his hips with the rest of his body, putting on display what Kaz could only assume was supposed to be his dick.

Thank fuck Ocelot usually wore pants, because that was a whole lot of Ocelot that Kaz didn't need to know about, and honestly kind of wished he didn't know about now.

Still Kaz needed to test the extent of the effect. Kaz reached out and clicked his fingers above Ocelot's head to get his attention.

Ocelot stopped his chirping to look at Kaz, staring at him upside down for a moment, before lightly batting his face with his hand and giving a non-committal meow. Then proceeded to ignore him in favour of rolling his body all over the couch purring just like he did whenever he hopped into John's lap.

With that little experiment a success, Kaz gave Ocelot one more spray of the nip to keep him busy, before hiding the spray bottle in his room. He'd need to look into better ways to carry it, but with Ocelot thoroughly distracted it meant he could take some time to relax in his own damn home.

Step one, beer, step two, sandwich, step three, porn.

Or that was the plan.

Somewhere in the planning stages of plan two, Ocelot had decided to stop ignoring him.

Ocelot wasn't any more dressed than before, but most definitely still high as a fucking kite if the blown pupils, purring, and not actively trying to murder Kaz were anything to go by.

“Give me the tuna,” Ocelot demanded, settling his chin and claws on the edge of the counter.

Kaz _would_ have told Ocelot to fuck off, but there were far more important concerns here. For one thing: did the cat just talk? Two, If the cat just talked, since when was he able to do that? And for a third thing: if he just talked and has always been capable of talking, why the fuck had he not said a word so far? And most important of all, if all of the above were true and cognitive decisions on his part: why the fuck way he pissing on the carpet?

This was way too many levels of what-the-flying-fuck for Kaz to readily process, and apparently he was taking too long because Ocelot repeated his demand.

“Give me the fucking can of tuna, gimpy.”

“Yeah, no- fuck off,” Kaz punctuated this by just throwing the can at Ocelot's head. Being perfectly honest, it was much easier to just be angry than try to comprehend any of this shit on the spot.

Unfortunately Ocelot just caught it mid air, rolling backwards with the force of it and then barrelled off on all fours, making that ridiculous chirping noise the whole way. Probably knocking over a lamp or something on the way, given the crash that followed.

Kaz needed something much harder than this beer, definitely.

Not a problem in a household like this, but Kaz was notably going through the hard liquor stash a wee bit faster than usual since Ocelot arrived.

Pouring himself a new drink left Kaz wondering, he knew Ocelot was an arsehole, that was pretty blatant, but he would have thought at least someone would have thought to mention to him the fucking thing could talk (and by extension understand him.) He could understand Ocelot not telling him since Ocelot was a dick. John, he knew had almost certainly _assumed_ Kaz had simply just _known_ , but why not one of those websites he'd visited had once mentioned talking was completely beyond him.

Sure, there was a communication section, but _not once_ did those piece-of-shit websites mention that very important detail even once. They were all about ear and tail position, or occasionally what certain meows meant.

This would be an incredibly frustrating conversation with John later, Kaz just fucking knew it.

He should make this double a triple. It wouldn't solve the problem but at least he'd feel better about it.

**Author's Note:**

> ITT: Ocelot is trolling Kaz hard.


End file.
